So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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