Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize