You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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