So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
