apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
