On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I won the penis lottery.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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