I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
