you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
