my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
