Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
