We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
