I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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