It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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