He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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