And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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