i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
