garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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