We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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