wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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