i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
