you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
