i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
