haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
