You made me cry and you don't even care
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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