And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
