My balls are so social today.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
