Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
