So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
