haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
