yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's rum buckets o'clock
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
