Need sex. Gaining weight.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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