You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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