I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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