My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
