kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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