Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
