Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
