should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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