your room smells of hookers.
And success
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
