I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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