New low: just hacked my moms facebook
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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