I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
