R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
