Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
