You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
