I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
