fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
