oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
