I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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