how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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