I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
