I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
