Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My life is pants optional.
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