on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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