I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
