he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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