he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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