After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
