Cold hands, warm shart.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
