dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I deserve to be covered in dicks
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
