when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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