Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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