just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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