Your tits are I can't wait for
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
