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The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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