I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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