So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
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Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have post one night stand depression
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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