Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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