If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
it glows. i had to have it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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