wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
