So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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